Reasons My Girlfriend is a Robot
Every relationship comes with a few surprises. As you get to know someone, quirks and nuances which were not immediately obvious naturally start to come to the surface. In the case of my girlfriend for example, I have discovered that she is, in fact, a robot. This came as quite a surprise to me, having sincerely intended to date only humans, and having never shown a preference for artificial beings in the past. For the purposes of posterity, I have documented the details of this peculiar case below.
Reasons my girlfriend is a robot:
- After careful observation I have concluded that she does not sleep.
- I walked into my room one day to find her diligently studying my robotics book.
- In the back of her neck she has what she claims is a “stud,” but what looks suspiciously like an electrical socket.
- She has computer hardware magazines scattered all over her room. She claims she has them because she is trying to “build a new computer,” but I fear she may be attempting to upgrade herself.
- I once detected a motor-like vibration coming from her abdominal area.
- When questioned, she did not seem concerned about identity theft. Perhaps because she has already stolen someone's identity in order to blend in with human society?
- She claims to be Japanese – a country known both for its advanced robotic technology and its enthusiasm for nightmarish creations.
- She sometimes speaks in a secret code language whose origin remains a mystery.
- She shows an unnatural interest in learning the details of all human affairs.
- She was strangely delighted upon seeing my clock switch to 11:11. A binary code which, from her lively reaction, I assume has activated her kill sequence.
Having established these particulars, I am uncertain how long I have to live. I apologize for the incompleteness and brevity of this document, given that an opportunity to record any further observations is unlikely. I wish future generations the best of luck as, if my suspicions are correct, we will all soon be under the calculated and absolute control of a terrifying robotic master race.
Reasons my girlfriend is a robot:
- After careful observation I have concluded that she does not sleep.
- I walked into my room one day to find her diligently studying my robotics book.
- In the back of her neck she has what she claims is a “stud,” but what looks suspiciously like an electrical socket.
- She has computer hardware magazines scattered all over her room. She claims she has them because she is trying to “build a new computer,” but I fear she may be attempting to upgrade herself.
- I once detected a motor-like vibration coming from her abdominal area.
- When questioned, she did not seem concerned about identity theft. Perhaps because she has already stolen someone's identity in order to blend in with human society?
- She claims to be Japanese – a country known both for its advanced robotic technology and its enthusiasm for nightmarish creations.
- She sometimes speaks in a secret code language whose origin remains a mystery.
- She shows an unnatural interest in learning the details of all human affairs.
- She was strangely delighted upon seeing my clock switch to 11:11. A binary code which, from her lively reaction, I assume has activated her kill sequence.
Having established these particulars, I am uncertain how long I have to live. I apologize for the incompleteness and brevity of this document, given that an opportunity to record any further observations is unlikely. I wish future generations the best of luck as, if my suspicions are correct, we will all soon be under the calculated and absolute control of a terrifying robotic master race.
Written by: Mister Boyfriend. April 28, 2011
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